From Plato to Alain De Boton, philosophers have been the people tasked with finding truth, and bringing it to the masses. To a web analyst, that pursuit of truth should sound familiar: it's the job of web analytics to shine a light in the corners that reveal truth about human behaviour. In this fun and informative talk, Damion looks at how the history of philosophy has parallels with analytics best practice, and along the way ponders on whether the Digital Analytics industry might just have found an incredibly rare thing that nobody thought existed: an actual use for a philosophy graduate.